Who did Nazi see this coming

Trump succeeded in getting the media off of Russia by throwing out a couple of shiny objects – transgenders in the military and build the wall or else.

Trump has gone to war with his own party. It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.

Jared Kushner is negotiating peace again in the Middle East. Government cameras only. No journalists.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Trump’s base is their base. That’s why they won’t put country before party (or their own careers.)

Republican Texas fun facts: Texas wants to secede from the nation and members of congress voted against federal aid for New York and New Jersey after Hurricane Sandy hit.

Mandatory evacuations along the Texas Gulf Coast in anticipation of Hurricane Harvey. Four people living in a mobile home park on the beach are refusing to leave because they don’t believe the fake news.

The German magazine, “Stern,” put Trump on the cover doing the Nazi salute.

Punch a Nazi San Francisco style: Dog owners have been preparing for a right wing rally that is coming to town tomorrow by saving their dog’s poop so they can scatter it on the grass where the rally goers will be. Nazis will have to stomp on dog shit while they stomp on everybody who isn’t white. After the rally is over, the dog owners will clean up the mess because they’re nice.

When Doug Ducey, the Republican governor of Arizona, refused to remove a confederate monument from the state capitol after Charlottesville, an Arizona woman decorated it with a giant second place participation ribbon.

After several weeks, Trump sent Sarah Huckabee Sanders out to say, “The president is going to repeal and replace Obamacare and the wall will be built. Also, he has created one million jobs, the stock market is at an all time high, I can’t comment, again, like I said, uh, uh, uh, we’ll keep you guys posted, that’s ridiculous and outrageous and undignified, blah blah blah blah blah.”

77% of under educated white Republican voters approve of Trump.

“Trump insulting you is like being called dumb by somebody with a bucket on their head” – Randi Rhodes

News flash! People trust the media more than they do Trump.

Did you know? Trump has a spiritual advisor. Her name is Paula White and she is on TV. She is warning people that if they oppose Trump, they oppose God.

Former Goldman Sachs president, and the current director of the National Economic Council, Gary Cohn, is one of the wealthiest employees in the White House. He’s Jewish but he says he won’t be following everybody else out the door in the wake of Trump defending Nazis because he’s a patriot. He prayed to his money god about what to do and the money god said yes, you are a patriot.

Hillary was totally creeped out by Trump breathing down her neck during one of the debates. Before the actual debate Trump tried to throw her off by calling a press conference with women who claimed Bill Clinton had sexually harassed them. Then he put them all in seats near the front row of the debate to intimidate her. Before the debate she had to practice touching him. She really didn’t want to have to shake his hand because he’s so disgusting. But she had to. Debating him was beneath her. Touching him is beneath any woman.

When asked about Trump getting impeached Roger Stone said that the Democrats need to get over it because Trump kicked Hillary’s ass. He warned everybody that if Trump is impeached people will die. “This isn’t 1973. Everybody is armed. If Trump is impeached, there will be civil war and any politician who votes for impeachment is putting his own life at risk.”

Net immigration is 0. Trump’s big claims that Mexicans are taking over and raping our women, robbing us, and killing us with stolen guns is one of the 1,000+ documented lies that he has told.

It’s Friday. Eat a healthy breakfast, drink plenty of fluids, keep your head up, and brace yourselves for today’s breaking news.


The I of the hurricane

Another first! The United Nations has put out an early warning about the United States, calling the US out for its administration’s support of racism, white supremacy and Nazism. It is asking the US to address the root causes of white supremacy and to unequivocally and unconditionally reject discrimination. The United States is on the United Nations’ shit list. Thanks a lot Republicans. STOP HIM!

Glenn Simpson, founder of Fusion GPS, the firm that compiled the Steele Dossier, testified to the Senate for 10 hours and handed over 40,000 pages of documents.

Congressman Chuck Grassley was asked by a well-informed, persistent constituent at a town hall to release a copy of the 10 hour testimony transcript to the public. Grassley did his best to avoid committing to that. The constituent kept pushing until Grassley relented and said he’d let the judiciary committee vote on letting the public read the testimony transcripts.

The dossier says that Russia has been working with Trump on influencing political elections for 5 years. It’s a damning, explosive document. This is the map that connects Trump to Putin. Collusion confirmed and Trump is a perv.

Insiders say Trump is obsessed with Russia. He’s losing it.

Another Russian ambassador (#4) has mysteriously turned up dead of natural causes. He was found floating in a swimming pool.

Trump went to Reno to make a speech at the American Legion and sign the Veterans Appeals Improvement and Modernization Act. He stuck to the script while everybody held their breath. Reno’s city council was unimpressed. They’re already struggling to pay police overtime and would appreciate it if the federal government would pitch in for extra security. Every time he shows up, it costs tax payers a lot.

Doing campaign rallies without any achievements to point to and failing at everything you’ve tried is like showing up to a job interview without a resume or any experience, bragging about how great you are. Only an idiot would hire that guy. Or vote for him.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Trump promised his followers that he would build a wall to keep foreigners out. He said Mexico would pay for it. Mexico isn’t paying for it so now he’s telling his followers that he’ll shut down the government if congress doesn’t make tax payers for the wall. The crowd went crazy! YAY! We’re gonna pay for the wall! Trump! Trump! Trump!

Trump is cruel and empty and so is anyone that “loves” him.

Trump is back to using transgenders as a political punching bag by banning them from the military. Not only will they not be able to join the military, they’re going to get kicked out.

A possible category 3 hurricane is about to hit the south coast of Texas.

The cry baby white supremacist who helped organize the Charlottesville rally turned himself into the cops.

The KKK declined an invitation to hold a free speech rally in South Central Los Angeles.

Trump is four minutes away from dropping a nuclear bomb. He doesn’t need anyone’s approval and nobody can stop him. We can only hope that he’s so in love with himself that he doesn’t want to die.

The wackos, gun nuts, survivalists, tea partiers, Nazis, and anti-government freaks are being manipulated by Trump right now to take up arms to defend him and themselves from the government when Trump goes down. This is the moment they have been training for.

Hurricane Trump is about to hit.

Blind leading the blind

After the MAGA pep rally journalists’ mouths hung open.

After the MAGA pep rally Former Director of National Intelligence James Clapper said he was scared and worried about Trump’s fitness to serve and his access to nuclear codes.

After the MAGA pep rally the cops gassed the peaceful protesters and shot one of them with a rubber bullet.

After the MAGA pep rally the Republicans locked the door, screamed WTF, and wondered what the hell they’re going to do now.

After the MAGA pep rally Americans found themselves more divided and less safe.

After the MAGA pep rally the pumped up crowd headed outside where 4,000 protesters awaited them. They could see with their own eyes that there were thousands of people but Trump told them that there weren’t very many so there weren’t very many.

After the MAGA pep rally racists were empowered, emboldened, and energized. Immigrants are far less safe now.

The blind leading the blind – Trump fans, already blinded from staring into the sun, are blinder now after staring into Trump.

Trump told his blind followers and paid extras that CNN had turned off the live feed. Everybody watching at home could see that CNN had not.

Tucker Carlson said on Fox News that Trump looking into the sun was “the most impressive thing any president has ever done.”

He talked about himself the entire time, never mentioned the sailors who had died, promised to pardon Sheriff Joe, threatened to shut down the government if congress doesn’t fund the wall, and said that “they” are trying to erase “our” history and heritage.

Instead of riding the wave of not screwing up his speech about Afghanistan, he insisted on doing his pep rally because he is an attention junkie. After having to stick to a script a couple of times last week he started going through withdrawals and needed a fix.

Trump and Mitch the Bitch haven’t spoken since August 9. Trump is pissed that McConnell didn’t do anything to make the Senate investigation go away which is more obstruction of justice.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: After treating Trump like a teenager with his first job, Republicans are FINALLY getting concerned that Trump may be “unfit” to be president.

Steve Mnuchin’s wife, Louise Linton, apologized for being a rich, elitist bleached asshole.

Betsy DeVos’s brother, Eric Prince, has pitched Trump and the generals to finish the job in Afghanistan by privatizing the war for a mere $50 billion. War for profit never ends.

Betsy DeVos is making money off of public education and her brother wants to make money off of war. Trump wants to make money off of both because that’s all he cares about.

A textbook narcissist rose to be the most powerful man in the world with the help of low information voters, racists, the media, lots of cash, minorities who gave their power away by not voting, and self righteous liberals who didn’t vote because they wanted to make some sort of statement.

Everything Hitler did was legal.

One of us! One of us!

He made a speech last night with his head turned to his left the whole time, saying that nothing is going to change in Afghanistan except we need to make some money off of it.

After the speech Lindsey Graham tweeted, “Between Afghanistan and Syria @realDonaldTrump is showing the WILL to stand up to Radical Islam……unlike President Obama” and then he wiped the shit off of his shoes.

He made that speech so we’d all stop talking about Charlottesville and him pandering to white nationalists which stopped us from talking about North Korea which stopped us from talking about staff leaving which stopped us from talking about Russiagate which stopped us from talking about impeachment which stopped us from talking about —-

He’s going to make an unscripted speech to his base tonight in Phoenix. Tomorrow we’ll be talking about that.

Trump has already blown through his secret service budget for the entire year because he has gone on vacation almost every weekend. He should have to get himself to the rally today.

The governor of Arizona won’t be attending Trump’s pep rally.

Trump’s private golf clubs have charged the Secret Service $60,000 to rent golf carts.

Trump said that Afghanistan and Pakistan are the worst terrorist threat to the US but neither country is on his list of Islamic countries that can’t come into the country.

So much for Trump making the military bigger and better. Two US destroyers have crashed into other ships during the past 2 months in the Pacific.

Trump and the Third Lady stepped outside on the Truman balcony to look at the eclipse. Melania was annoyed that her glasses were not designer frames but she put them on anyway, but only for a few seconds. The idiot she married looked up at the sun without any protective shades at all.
Trump stared straight into the sun during the eclipse proving that he really is just like his voters! One of us! One of us! He’s as dumb as us!

Steve Mnuchin’s third wife got really defensive after a mom in Oregon called her out on Instagram after she bragged about jet setting around the country at the government’s expense. She had posted a photo of herself getting off of a government plane and tagged the purse and scarf with designer label hashtags. After the Oregon mom called her out, the third wife shamed her for not being rich. “Have you given more to the economy than me and my husband?” she posted, causing a big stink on the internet. She deleted her post but the screen shots remain.

Steve Mnuchin’s third wife, like Trump’s third wife, is an immigrant, but they’re white and beautiful so it doesn’t count.

Senator Al Franken says he has known that Trump is a bad president for weeks.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: GOP talking point – We are the party of Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan. No you’re not. You are the party of Richard Nixon and Donald Trump.

Paul Ryan did a scripted, ticketed, televised town hall and said let’s not make a food fight out Charlottesville (“You’re not a good person if you were there” – does he mean both sides? Does he mean Heather Heyer?) He does not support censuring Trump. When asked why he hasn’t done anything in 7 months, he blamed everything on the Senate.

Paul Ryan is so out of touch with his district that he mentioned Christo Rey as a religious facility that does good work. Christo Rey been closed for years.

We’re down to a dictator and three generals in the White House. Hurry up Mueller!!!

Blinded by the white

The Nazis couldn’t get it up this weekend after they freaked everybody out that there would be more white power rallies throughout the country.

40,000 counter protesters showed up to drown out 100 Nazis during a free speech for haters rally in Boston.The cops put the self-pitying, bitter, celibate not by choice, white men in a park gazebo and made the patriots stand way, way, way back to isolate them. There was nothing but air and grass surrounding the Nazis and they weren’t listening.

The KKK planned a rally in Durham, North Carolina, but nobody showed up. Counter protesters showed up though, and there were a lot of them.

White supremacists are complaining that their lives have been ruined because people shared photos of them at Charlottesville on the internet.

Robert E Lee’s great great grandson is OK with the confederate statues coming down.

When a reporter asked Trump if he was planning on going to Charlottesville he said, “Oh yes, I have a house there – it’s a winery.”

10 sailors missing, 5 sailors injured after USS John S. McCain collides with an oil tanker off the coast of Sinagapore. What did the president say? “That’s too bad.”

The USS Fitzgerald crashed two months ago. Navy radar?
Beep, pling, hello?

Speaker Paul Ryan is doing a carefully scripted and staged town hall tonight which will air on CNN. Don’t expect any tough questions, protesters, or dissidents. This is invitation only.

John Kasich is talking a lot about what he’d do if he were president. He’s one Republican who doesn’t have anything to lose because he already lost.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: “Fearless conservative” Michael Williams wants to be the governor of Georgia.Taking a page out of the Trump campaign playbook, he pandered to the alt-right by posing for a photo with a group of Nazis in costume, holding semi-automatic rifles. One of the Nazis is Michael Ramos, one of the white supremacists caught on tape beating DeAndre Harris in a parking lot during the Charlottesville riot. When asked about the photo on CNN, Michael Williams said, “It’s just a picture.”

Breitbart has lost 90% of its advertisers so Bannon may be working for free.

Look at the bright side, Bannon. No really, look up! Look at the sun! Blinded by the light, revved up like a douche, another runner in the white flight.

Watch Trump try and take credit for the solar eclipse.

Trump can’t spell heal.

Half of the charities that have always held their annual galas at Mar-a-Lago have pulled out. The Eric Trump Foundation is not one of them.

Trump is making a prime time speech tonight about Afghanistan. We’ve been there for 16 years. He was critical of Afghanistan in the past and said we needed a speedy withdrawal. Now he’s trying to figure out how he can benefit from it.

All Trump can think about is getting to go to Phoenix tomorrow where people like him. He’s going to bring Sheriff Arpaio up on stage with him.They like him too.

Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Michigan are sorry now.

House Democrats are pushing to censure Trump because he’s dangerous.

#trumpresign is trending in third place on Twitter.

The gates of hell


But he’s just gone from the White House. He’s back at Breitbart and has declared war on congress and the media from the outside. Now he gets to blatantly feed Nazis with both hands on his weapon.

Now that the rejoicing is over it’s time to worry about what Bannon will do with the information he received after 7 months of security clearance. What will he give Robert Mercer for his data mining company so he can be more effective in swinging elections? What’s he going to write on the Breitbart website?

There are still a lot of scary people left in the White House and Trump is still president.

Bannon and Trump are still a couple. Bannon is going to go after Trump’s enemies on Capitol Hill, the media, and the business leaders who snubbed his man.

Mueller is getting close. If things go as planned, Trump will be a white nationalist martyr after everything Russia hits the fan.

293 members of the Yale class of 1985 have signed a letter asking their former classmate, Treasury Secretary, Steven Mnuchin, to resign.

Duke University removed its statue of Robert E. Lee from its chapel.

Southern rock granddaddy Charlie Daniels compares the removal of confederate statues to ISIS destroying ancient works of art.The devil went down to Georgia and took Charlie out to lunch.

The great, great grandsons of Stonewall Jackson say the monuments must come down. It’s not erasing history, they say, it’s coming to our senses. “We are ashamed to benefit from white supremacy while our black family and friends suffer.”

Nazis are whining about their lives being ruined after photos of them beating people up and screaming about white supremacy in Charlottesville have trended on social media.

The average gun nut owns 8 guns because they’re nuts.

America is bracing itself for more violence this weekend.There are more scheduled Nazi demonstrations around the country.
Republican hypocrite fun fact: Vice President Mike Pence supports the president.

Every man in Trump’s inner circle is gone except for Mike Pence.

Mike Pence is talking in his sleep, “Take me, take me, President Pence, President Pence.”

Tony Schwartz, the guy who wrote Trump’s book for him, “Art of the Deal,” says it won’t be long before Trump quits because he’s a quitter.

Trump and the third lady are going to blow off the Kennedy Center Honors this year because everybody hates them.

The gates of hell are about to open. Boy won’t the Nazi evangelicals be surprised when they find out Jesus is a no show.

History and pigs blood

Day #210

Not to be outdone by the terrorist in Charlottesville, a terrorist in Barcelona, Spain, drove his car into a crowd of people on a public street, killing one American. How did our president respond? He tweeted! “Study what General Pershing of the United States did to terrorists when caught. There was no more Radical Islamic Terror for 35 years!” Gag us with pig blood why don’t you. The president is an idiot and doesn’t know the first thing about history (he got this story from an email chain, it was an internet hoax. General Pershing did not dip bullets in pig blood and shoot 49 Muslim terrorists.) He’s the freaking president – get off of freaking Twitter and say something smart and strong to the world you pig’s ass!

The White House staff better lock Trump in the bathroom so he won’t threaten to bomb Barcelona.

Trump called driving a car into a crowd in Barcelona terrorism but driving a car into a crowd of protesters in Charlottesville is not.

The United States military denounced the president on Twitter to protect the country. This is another first – joint chiefs usually stay out of politics.

Trump has given aid and comfort to homegrown terrorists.

Heather Heyer’s mom has no interest in talking to the president after he likened her daughter and peaceful protesters with the KKK.

Heather Heyer’s mom has received death threats.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Paul Ryan is mum on Trump defending Nazis. It’s not because he’s new at this either. Tina Fey called him a pussy while eating an entire sheet cake on TV.

Corey Stewart is running against Tim Kaine in Virginia. He agrees with Trump. He says the left is trying to destroy the constitution by destroying confederate statues. “I am going to run the most vicious, ruthless campaign.” Corey has a grudge. His campaign stylist has recommended khakis and white polo shirts.

The confederate statues glorify and celebrate those who fought against the United States. They were erected during Jim Crow. They all need to come down. America needs a Museum of Truth where we tell the whole story. We need to rewrite our school history books, too. It’s time to teach our kids about genocide and slavery.

Politicians need to stop using soft words like, disappointed, unfortunate, disturbing, when commenting about the president of the United States. We need strong words and ACTION.

Members of the White House presidential arts commission are resigning because of Trump’s big ugly mouth.

There is no advisory council for infrastructure now. That’s because nobody wants to be associated with this ass except for Nazis, Republicans and flat earthers.

Former Vice President Al Gore has called upon Trump to resign.

Mental health professionals say they’re seeing a lot of depression, anxiety and fear because of Trump. Most people are scared he’s going to get us all killed. The rest are afraid others will find out they voted for Trump.

The Cleveland Clinic has cancelled its plans to hold its 2018 fundraising gala at Mar-a-Lago. They have been holding their annual event there for years.

“He’s going to Phoenix to start a riot. He needs a riot to declare martial law. He needs martial law to stay in office” – Steve Marmel

Was it “identity politics” when America entered the war to defeat the Nazis?

A guerilla artist projected a message on the front of Trump’s international hotel: The President of the United States is a known racist and Nazi sympathizer. This is not a drill. We are all responsible to stand up and end white supremacy. #resist

Republicans and Trump voters deserve all of this but the rest of us don’t.

CEO president

The latest group that Trump has pissed off are the HARD CORE, CUT THROAT, FILTHY RICH CAPITALISTS! He has managed to piss off his own!

Trump’s manufacturing council died before it ever lived. All of the CEOs jumped ship because denouncing white supremacy is good for business (except Walmart. The CEO is from Arkansas and profits from semi-slave labor.) Trump dissolved the council to save face.

The Trump voters’ “CEO president” is not a good business man and America’s top CEOs want nothing to do with him. Let that sink you, you hard core, cut throat, filthy rich capitalist wanna bes!

Apple’s CEO Tim Cook says Apple will donate $1 million each to the Southern Poverty Law Center and the Anti Defamation League.

The evangelical council is still going strong. What the HELL does that mean?

Jared and Ivanka’s rabbi denounced Trump.

University of Florida canceled a white supremacist event. Richard Spencer: Go home.

Trump didn’t attend Heather Heyer’s funeral. We should be upset but we’re not. If he went he would have ruined everything.

“Millions of Americans would gladly work for Robert Mueller for free if that would help speed things up” – Andy Borowitz

Republican hypocrite fun fact: The Republicans are more concerned about their own asses than they are about any of ours.

Elaine Chau (Mitch the Bitch’s wife) is Trump’s Transportation Secretary. “I stand by my man, both of them,” she said.

It’s really swell that a handful of Republicans have stuck their necks out to denounce white supremacy to be quoted endlessly by the media, but one of the Democratic Party’s core values is all for one and one for all – black, white, brown, red, yellow, gay, straight, trans, young, old, rich, poor, disabled, abled, immigrant, Christian, Jew, Muslim, atheist, other, WHATEVER! You don’t even have to have a sense of humor to be a Democrat but most of us do. We make Nazis’ heads explode.

If welfare recipients have to be drug tested, then white supremacists should be DNA tested. Nobody is pure anything and some of them might find out that have a little African in them.

One of the skinny, pasty white supremacists at Charlottesville was caught on camera squealing and pleading with a group of counter protesters he feared would beat the crap out of him. He pulled off his white polo shirt and said, “I’m not really a white power man, I just came here for the fun. Please don’t hurt me!” After the group backed off he resumed his tough white supremacist persona and walked away, shirtless, as the sun burned his pasty, unused soft white back.

Trump wants to do a pep rally in Phoenix next week. The mayor said no, we don’t want you here. Trump is going to do it anyway because he is jonesing for love and attention right now. It’s his drug and he has to have it NOW. He’s got to have his fix. While he’s high, making his “speech,” he’s sure to say he’ll pardon racist Sheriff Arpaio just so he can hear the room full of racists roar.

While in office, Trump cancelled Ramadan at the White House and completely ignored Pride Month. He put a ban on Muslims entering the country and is dead set on building a wall to keep brown people out. But he’s not a hater, right Trump voters?

Black people are only 10% of the population. The same with the LGBTQ community. Muslims make up only 1%. So why are Republicans so obsessed with these groups? Are the blacks, the gays and the Muslims taking over? Democrats say no.

To everyone who says, “I’m not racist, but _______,” STFU. You’re racist.

If you’re not uncomfortable right now – you need to ask yourself why.

Have you punched a Nazi today?

There is no war on white people

Trump was confronted by reporters at his gilded tower in New York and he not only shot himself in the foot, he shot his foot right off. Everybody thought he was going to talk about infrastructure but he went off on the media and the “alt-left.” He was defensive and rude, growled at the press like a wild dog, and was his real bully self. He really lost it – “What’s next? Taking down statues of George Washington? Where does it stop?”

The White House staff was shocked that Trump said stuff in public that he says all the time in private.

General Kelly looked like he was going to cry.

He doesn’t know the difference between George Washington and Robert E. Lee.

The president of the United States actually defended a white supremacists rally, saying people were there to protect “a very important statue.”

Lexington, Jacksonville, Durham, Memphis, Baltimore, and Annapolis are all knocking down their confederate statues.

A black woman who was involved in toppling a confederate statue was arrested. None of the white supremacists who almost clubbed a black man to death (on camera) have been arrested.

There aren’t any statues of Hitler in Germany.

6 CEOs have resigned from Trump’s Alliance for Manufacturing advisory board because of Charlottesville.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Denouncing Nazis is easy.
Denounce Trump.

The moral failure of Donald Trump is now complete. It’s a moral reckoning for the Republicans. What’s it going to be? America or Trump?

“Counter protesters are the alt-left. They’re just as much to blame” – Robert E. Trump

“Trump can’t be a white supremacist sympathizer because he has Jewish grand kids” – Trump supporter

“Nazis are a lot like cats. If they like you, it’s probably because you’re feeding them” John Oliver

“Lincoln: 4 score and 7 seven years ago……
FDR: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself
JFK: Ask not what your country can do for you…….
Trump: Actually the Nazis had a permit” – Mike Stazzman, with edits by Peter Sullivan

Trump’s approval rating with Republicans is in the high 70s. That means racists are everywhere. They’re not all marching in the streets with lit torches, wearing the MAGA red hat, or defending Trump on Facebook. They’re sitting next to you at work, in the PTA, at your family reunion, living in your neighborhood. Ewwww.

Nine more Nazi rallies are scheduled for this weekend.

50,000 masked klansmen marched through the streets of Washington DC in 1926. Trump’s dad marched with them in 1927 and got arrested. Trump denies it even though there is a public record of it.

President Obama’s tweet after Charlottesville is the most liked tweet in history. That is going to ruin Trump’s day but he’ll deny it and say he’s got the most likes.

Somebody vandalized the Lincoln Memorial.

Trump said Heather Heyer’s mom said nice things about him.

There is no war on white people.

Louis CK on being white:

Sorry I’m being so negative. I’m a bummer. I don’t know–I shouldn’t be. I’m a very, you know, lucky guy. I’ve got a lot going for me: I’m healthy, I’m relatively young, I’m white…which, thank God for that shit, boy. That is a huge leg up. Are you kidding me? Oh, God, I love being white. I really do. Seriously, if you’re not white, you’re missing out. Because this shit is thoroughly good. Let me be clear, by the way. I’m not saying that white people are better. I’m saying that being white is clearly better. Who could even argue? If it was an option, I would re-up every year.

Oh, yeah, I’ll take ‘white’ again, absolutely. I’ve been enjoying that. I’m gonna stick with white, thank you.

Here’s how great it is to be white: I can get in a time machine and go to any time, and it would be fucking awesome when I get there! That is exclusively a white privilege. Black people can’t fuck with time machines! A black guy in a time machine’s like, “Hey, anything before 1980, no thank you. I don’t want to go.” But I can go to any time! The year 2. I don’t even know what’s happening then, but I know when I get there, “Welcome, we have a table right here for you, sir.”

“Thank you. Oh, it’s lovely here in the year 2.”

I can go to any time–in the past. I don’t want to go to the future and find out what happens to white people because we’re gonna pay hard for this shit, you got to know that. We’re not going to just fall from number one to two. They’re gonna hold us down and fuck us in the ass forever. And we totally deserve it. But for now, wheeeeeeee!

Now, if you’re white and you don’t admit that it’s great, you’re an asshole. It is great. And I’m a man. How many advantages could one person have? I’m a white man. You can’t even hurt my feelings! What can you really call a white man that really digs deep?

“Hey, cracker.”

“Uh. Ruined my day. Boy you shouldn’t have called me a cracker. Bringing me back to owning land and people, what a drag.”

Racists bad speech writers good

After 48 hours, the president of the United States finally did a press event (not an actual press conference because he refused to take any questions) to say that racism is bad, but not before lying about how great things are because of him. When confronted about why he won’t do a real press conference and take questions about Charlottesville by Jim Acosta of CNN, he told Acosta that he was fake news. After Trump went back to the dump, he turned on the TV and tweeted, “Made additional remarks on Charlottesville and realize once again that the #Fake News Media will never be satisfied…truly bad people!”

Here we go again. Trump read a speech written by somebody else and didn’t go off script so now the talking heads are saying he sounds “presidential.” The bar is so low for this guy that it’s buried under ground with sewer lines.

The conservative talking heads say the media is making too much out of Charlottesville – this stuff happens all the time. They also say that people are picking on their president – “He’s the president for all people.” All people say WHAT?

Paul Ryan tweeted empty political rhetoric about Charlottesville. John Legend tweeted back, “Impeach the white supremacist in the White House or STFU.”

The hoodless dipshits are not fringe characters or lone wolves who have found their packs. They are pampered, entitled, self-righteous brats with jobs and college transcripts, who hate everybody who isn’t white.

For a superior master race, these white boys in polo shirts and khakis are pretty freaking stupid.

Follow @YesYoureRacist on Twitter and check out the names and faces of the polo shirt, khaki wearing, tiki torch carrying, cry babies who have been identified in Charlottesville. Then RETWEET!

Some guy smashed Boston’s Holocaust Memorial with a rock.

Trump is being bribed by Putin on the outside and Bannon on the inside. If he fires Bannon, Bannon will take him down with his little website, Breitbart.

After 72 hours, Trump finally got around to saying the KKK are bad hombres. He should have said it in a New York minute, like anybody else would, but he didn’t want to piss off his base.

Trump is in New York now. He was greeted by protesters yelling, “New York hates you!” He’s been avoiding New York because he knows New York hates him. That, and the state attorney general is on to him.

This morning, Trump re-tweeted, then deleted, an image of a train smashing into a person with the CNN logo over his face.

Jimmy Fallon denounced Trump for not handling the Nazi thing well. Calling Mexicans rapists and drug dealers is different though. He went ahead and played with his hair.

On the same day that he “denounced” racists, Trump told Fox News that he’s considering pardoning fellow birther Sheriff Arpaio.

A 23-year-old white man was arrested in Oklahoma after he tried to blow up a bank using a vehicle bomb similar to the one that Timothy McVeigh used. “I’m out for blood,” the homegrown terrorist said.

If you attended the Women’s March the day after the inauguration, the Department of Justice wants to know your personal information. It’s trying to get the names and contact information of 1.3 million people who visited an anti-Trump website hosted by DreamHost.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Behind the scenes, the repugs are wondering if their guy is unfit to lead. They won’t say it to us, but they wonder if he’s incompetent. This is ironic because the rest of us knew that way back in 2016 when we all thought there was no way he could win.

We are all far more likely to be murdered by a twenty something American white guy or a toddler with a gun than we are of getting killed by ISIS, immigrant gangs, or a homeless crack addict.