No Spikes allowed

Trump is jealous of Kim Jong-un because he doesn’t have a congress.

Trump says his fire and fury threat may not have been tough enough. “North Korea better get its act together or they’re going to be in big trouble.”

White House adviser Sebastian Gorka told everybody not to listen to Secretary of State Rex Tillerson. We should not sleep soundly, we should lie awake at night and worry about fire and fury.

Trump’s first tweet of the day? We’re locked and loaded. Bring it on, North Korea.

Former Fox News anchor and current State Department spokesperson Heather Nauert told the press that she was done answering questions about American diplomats going deaf in Cuba. Could it have been Russia? Is this sonic warfare? Heather lost her cool. Enough! I’m not answering any more questions about Cuba. Or North Korea! You guys are obsessed with North Korea! Heather’s job is to answer questions about Cuba and North Korea.

Trump has apparently hired Putin to be the head of HR. After 11 days Trump has finally made a statement about Putin expelling 755 American diplomats from Moscow – “Thank you. We’re trying to cut down on payroll. We’ll save a lot of money.”

When asked about the FBI raid on his campaign manager’s house Trump said, “That’s tough stuff. I’ve always known Paul Manafort to be a decent man.” Meanwhile, Trump’s attorney made a public statement saying that what the FBI did to Paul Manafort was an invasive tool used to intimidate Paul Manafort.

The special counsel has subpoenaed international banks.

Trump is picking a fight with Mitch McConnell. He said he should have had a bill to repeal Obamacare on his desk within his first week.

Walmart’s Back To School special? “Own the School Year Like a Hero. Buy a Gun.”

Trump says that all of the infighting in the White House is just folks vying for his attention and love. He’s “honored” by it. Because he’s a sadist.

Bomb shelter manufacturers are running out of bomb shelters.

The people of Guam are being prepped on what to do if they get bombed by North Korea.

Half of all Republicans would postpone the 2020 election if Trump wanted it.

CNN finally fired Jeffrey Lord for taking a dump on Trump’s desk. He tweeted a Nazi salute, the sieg heil, to someone he couldn’t win an argument with.

Why hasn’t Twitter suspended Trump’s account yet?

Jimmy Carter sold his one and only business before getting to be president. Carter worked for peanuts and gave them up. Trump works for rubles and wouldn’t give them up if his life depended on it.

Mississippi loves that Donald Trump doesn’t give a crap because good old Dixie values include not giving a crap. In the Bubba Belt people wade in Mississippi River poop. Mississippi River poop – it’s a thing.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: As the rhetoric ramps up between nuts with nukes, Republicans seem unconcerned. They’re all home in their districts, avoiding their constituents.

With all of the talk about North Korea we’re not talking about Russia.

We should be pushing Hillary to the left right now instead of fighting fascism. Thanks a lot Trump voters and the purists who refused to vote because they thought they were making some sort of statement.

The sign on the front door of every Trump golf club: “No Spikes Allowed.”

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