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Trump is going to be in big trouble with his new boss, General Kelly. He just tweeted that our relationship with Russia is at an all-time low and that it’s all congress’s fault.

Trump signed the Russian sanctions bill (“even though it’s flawed”) off camera. He didn’t make a strong statement against Russia, but he did take the opportunity to blast Congress. The bill targets the Russian mining and oil industry, punishes Putin for interfering with our election, and smacks Russia for its military aggression in Ukraine. Trump said the bill encroaches on the executive branch’s authority to negotiate. He said it was unconstitutional which is really funny because he’s never read the constitution.

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson did his very first press briefing in 6 months. He’s mad about the sanctions too and won’t use the $80 million allocated by Congress to combat Russian propaganda because he doesn’t want to make Russia mad.

Kellyanne Conway was asked if Trump talked to Putin before signing the bill and she said, “No comment.”

When a reporter asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders if the president lied she said “No.”

Putin called Trump a pussy (the ungrabbable kind.)

Trump has launched his own “real news” channel for his personal Facebook page. He hired his daughter in law to be his news anchor to spin all of the great stuff that Trump does every day because the fake news doesn’t cover that.

Trump’s immigration reforms will “favor applicants who speak English,” and prevents new migrants from collecting welfare which they can’t do already. The White House wants to cut legal immigration by 50%. Trump says only the best immigrants are going to be able get in to the country. The best. They have to know English before they can get in and if you ask any questions about that Stephen Miller will yell at you in front of millions of people and call you a cosmopolitan snob.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Stephen Miller grew up in blue, blue, groovy lefty Santa Monica in a groovy lefty family. He’s a self-hating Jew. People who grew up with him say he hasn’t changed. He is the same creepy weird kid that groovy lefty kids don’t want to peace out with.

“Told my older son tonight: next time he commits treason I’m not writing him a note” – Josh Marshall

“I hope when my kids are 39, they still want me to help them with their treason” – Molly Jong-Fast

“Only Donald Trump could make the Boy Scouts and the Statue of Liberty controversial” – Jon Meacham

Trump said the Boy Scouts gave him a standing ovation. There weren’t any chairs.

The Department of Justice is going after university affirmative action so that mediocre rich kids like Trump’s kids and Jared Kushner won’t have to compete with anybody who is smarter than them and not white.

Generals Mattis and Kelly agreed in the earliest weeks of Trump’s presidency that one of them should remain in the United States at all times to keep tabs on the Boy King.

Twitler’s approval rating is 33%. What would it be if the DOW wasn’t at 22,000?

Trump is going to take his first vacation since the inauguration, a 17-day getaway to his private New Jersey golf club. On the one hand, WTF? A 17 day vacation after 6 months on a new job? Who gets that? Did he ever give a new employee the same benefit? On the other hand, woo-hoo! America gets a 17 day vacation!

Attorney Jeff Sessions doesn’t like black people or marijuana. He wants to throw all stoners in jail. Black Senator Cory Booker has written a bill to legalize marijuana on a federal level because people of color are disproportionately jailed for things that many congress members either do or did. When young people of color are busted for pot it ruins their lives. Rich white kids have the best pot and they never get arrested.

When asked if he was running for president, Cory Booker said he was running FROM the president.

If Cory Booker does run for president, he’s got the millennial vote. While his opponents campaign at state fairs and fish fries, he’ll be making speeches at cannabis clubs.

Donald J Trump – the dead duck president.


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