Make covfefe great again

The New York Times compares Trump aides to “Stewards of a Syphilitic Emperor.”

James Buchal, chairman of Portland’s GOP party, said he thinks it’s time to hire armed right-wing militia members as bodyguards to protect Republicans on the street.

Paul Ryan said that the buzz about impeachment is nothing more than the latest celebrity scandal.

Only 8 out of the 217 House Republicans are holding town halls during recess. The rest of them are too scared.

Trump has decided to withdraw from the Paris Climate Accord.

A small number of Trump voters in “Real America” are starting to get suspicious that their billionaire blue collar hero is really a coastal elite.

Trump’s personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, famous for threatening Trump’s critics and reporters, is now the subject of a congressional investigation. His wife is Ukrainian.

Pat Robertson said God put Trump in office so there you go.

Trump has been giving out his personal cell phone number to foreign leaders saying, “Call me”.

The good news is nobody is talking about where transgender people pee anymore.

One of Ivanka’s Chinese factories is a shoe factory where workers make $1 an hour. China Labor Watch has been investigating it for worker rights violations. One activist was just arrested and two are now missing.

Republican Hypocrites Fun Fact: Congressman Darrell Issa is as right as rein but he’s been moving to the middle in order to keep his seat in November 2018 even though he has voted with Trump 100%. When it comes to business, he thinks that business owners should be able to do whatever they want with whoever they want without government interference. He voted in favor of repealing a rule the required energy companies to disclose payments to foreign governments. He voted no to demanding Trump’s tax returns because it’s nobody’s business how filthy rich people got that way (he’s the richest member of congress.) He doesn’t believe in climate change and thinks that profit should trump clean air, water and the future of the planet. He supported the firing of Comey and doesn’t believe gay people should have equal rights. He cast the 216th and decisive vote for Trumpcare without a CBO score. He spent years trying to impeach Obama with never ending conspiracy theories but won’t impeach Trump. Every Tuesday morning, hundreds of people show up at his office to protest him. Yesterday he climbed up on top of his roof to get away from them.

Twitler doesn’t have nearly as many followers as his Twitter page says he does. Half of them are fake bots to make it look like he has huge crowds on the internet.

Sean Spicer did his first press briefing in 2 weeks. He wasted 9 minutes recounting every single moment of the trip abroad, calling it “historical”. He wouldn’t answer any questions about the news that broke while he was gone. He got mad, walked off, the press corp booed, and one reporter yelled out, “Is Kushner fake news?”

At 12:06 a.m., Twitler tweeted, “Despite the constant negative press covfefe”. Twitter went wild. Someone bought the CA license plate, “COVFEFE”. Everybody’s favorite congressman, Ted Lieu, tweeted Yrsvjseubpihfcovswtvnjhgfefesxnklimnq. Others tweeted: “If Obama had done that, Fox News would have reported that he put a Muslim curse on white people,” “Ask your doctor if Covfefe is right for you,”and “#Seanspicer responds to Trump tweet: Yes #convfefe is a word…he is talking about the LHGBTRQ community. Do I need to spell it out for you?”#covfefe blew up the internet and made it into the urban dictionary before the White House found out about it and took it down.

Getting jiggy with it

Twitler’s first tweet of the day: We have a MASSIVE trade deficit with Germany, plus they pay FAR LESS than they should on NATO & military. Very bad for U.S. This will change.

Twitler’s second tweet of the day: Russian officials must be laughing at the U.S. & how a lame excuse for why the Dems lost the election has taken over the Fake News.

Trump will stuff his staff with former campaign staffers because those are the only people he knows who will still talk to him.

During a somber Memorial Day traditional function, Trump got jiggy with the National Anthem, sang along to the parts he remembers, then did a fist pump and thanked everyone for coming to his Hooray for the Fallen pep rally at Arlington Cemetery. Ivanka said, “Let them eat champagne popsicles.”

A 22 year old sailor, Bryan Minkyu Martin, is going to jail for 34 years for setting up back channel communications with China. The Navy intelligence specialist was convicted of attempted espionage, for selling classified documents to a man he believed was a Chinese spy. This guy is going to jail and the Secretary of Everything, Jared Kushner, is not in jail.

John McCain says Vladimir Putin is a greater threat to national security than ISIS.

One big difference between Watergate and Russiagate: Nixon knew what he was doing. He was actually running the country when he got busted. Trump golfs, tweets, fires people and Putins on the Ritz.

The Nordic prime ministers mocked the Saudis and Trump and their glowing orb by taking a picture of themselves laying hands on a soccer ball.

Betsy DeVos calls people who believe in public education “flat earthers” because they reject the concept of an “education industry” that will use vouchers to send kids to private religious schools that will teach them to believe in Betsy DeVos’s god.

Republicans are Hypocrites Fun Fact: Physician, Scott DesJarlais, loved to party and get it on with his patients. He is now a Republican congressman in Tennessee and has a 100% pro-life voting record even though he talked his ex-wife (who he cheated on with six different women) into getting two abortions and asked one of his mistresses (24 years his junior) to get one too. He says it’s OK because Jesus and his constituents forgive him. He was the first member of the House Freedom Caucus to endorse Trump.#november2018

Deep in the heart of Texas: The Lone Star State just banned sanctuary cities. Republican Matt Rinaldi threatened to put a bullet in his Democratic colleague’s head over the state’s new No Sanctuary City law and then called ICE on the 1,000 immigrant rights supporters who had showed up to protest.

NATO forces have been in Afghanistan for 16 years.

Lots and lots of US attorney jobs have yet to be filled. No one wants them.

Somebody shot up the windows on the first, second and third floors of a major Kentucky newspaper – probably a Trump gun nut keeping the nation safe from news.

White House Communications Director, Mike Dubke, has resigned. Three months was long enough.

Trump voters – are you smarter than an 8th grader?

He’s back!

While he was on his big trip, Trump made a total fool of himself by insulting our allies, kissing up to the Saudis, and annoying the Pope. While the healthy, fit G7 leaders (some of them wearing heels) walked through the streets of Taormina, Sicily, in a show of solidarity, Trump followed along in a golf cart to demonstrate what a gluttonous, isolationist, rude idiot he is.

The first thing he did after he got back was take to Twitter to attack the free press.

Angela Merkel says Germany and Europe can’t fully rely on the US anymore, marking the end of an era when the United States of America was the leader of the free world. Because of Trump, the world doesn’t have a leader.

Melania high tailed it back to New York. The trip abroad was the most time she’s spent with Trump since the inauguration.

Trump and Jared weren’t close before the election. Jared took the job of being the closest man to the most powerful man in the world because he’s an opportunist. It’s all in the family.

The president is immune from prosecution so long as he is in office. The founders designed it that way so that no president could be weighed down by anything other than being president. What if the president isn’t doing his job? The founders didn’t think of that. They couldn’t even conceive of a scenario where Americans would elect a mobster who didn’t really want to be president in the first place.

After being gone for 9 days and coming home to a shit storm, Twitler spent quite a bit of time ranting on Twitter and blocking people.

He’s cancelling his Tell Me You Love Me rally in Cedar Rapids this week so he can strategize with Bannon and Priebus inside the newly built War Room so they can figure out how to defend themselves and Russia against the media, the FBI, and the Democrats.

There was a red flashing light coming out of the second floor residence of the White House. Were they setting the War Room up in there? Or was it a SOS signal from the staff? Disco Night?

John Kelly, Secretary of Dept of Homeland Security, threw his decorated military career away to defend Trump and accuse the leakers of being the real threat.

Tourism to the US has dropped 16 % since the inauguration because people don’t want to come here.

The lone survivor of the Portland terrorist attack who was almost killed for defending a couple of Muslim women on a train had to set up a Go Fund Me account to pay for his medical bills because America.

Russia is not our friend.

Jeff Sessions can’t believe that more people aren’t behind his crack down on pot. Jeff Sessions needs to smoke a big fat one and soon.

When an 8th grade class from New Jersey got a chance to get their picture taken with Paul Ryan on a class trip to DC, half of them said no way – they didn’t want to be associated with him. Trump voters – are you smarter than an 8th grader?

It’s Memorial Day. Two soldiers were killed by white, homegrown male extremists this past week and Trump hasn’t said a word.

He’s supposed to lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at Arlington Cemetery today. He’s supposed to make a speech. He better not mention his purple heart.

Don’t let the deaths of American soldiers be in vain. Resist.

Busted

Jared Kushner asked his good friends in Russia if they could set up a secret communication channel with them so they could use Russian diplomacy to sabotage the American government via top secret meetings and cryptic communication systems. This is covert communication espionage with a hostile foreign government. He’s up shit ручей without a весло.

Jared Kushner’s dad spent time in jail for tax evasion and illegal campaign contributions. He was busted for witness tampering too, for an act of retaliation against his sister’s husband who was cooperating with federal investigators. He hired a prostitute to seduce his brother-in-law, recorded it, and then sent the tape to his sister. Nice guy. Jared had to take over the family business while his dad was in jail. He is his father’s son……and Trump’s son in law.

Russian oligarch, Oleg V. Deripaska, is connected to Paul Manafort. He wants immunity so now we know he’s as guilty as a three ruble bill.

Trump voters who hate Hillary because of fictitious emails have no problem with Russiagate.

Melania showed up in Italy wearing an obnoxious coat that cost as much as most Americans make in a year.

Europe is shaking its head at Republicans, Trump, America’s obsession with guns, the rich, our indifference to human suffering, blaming the poor for being poor, our for profit health care system, the demonization and scapegoating of immigrants, and our assault on the first amendment. They think Trump is as much of an idiot as everybody here in America who didn’t vote for him.

Trump claims that his big trip abroad has resulted in billions saved and millions of jobs created. What will he tell his supporters when they find out they won’t be getting one of those millions of jobs? He’ll have to blame it on Obama. Or Hillary. Or NATO. Or the Pope. Or Jared.

Greg Gianforte won and that sucks. But look at the bright side: Trump won Montana by 20 points. Six months later Gianforte won by 7 points……in a special election. This indicates that the Dems are going to body slam the Repugs in November 2018. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Trump wished all of the Muslims a joyful Ramadan and then used the occasion to remind everybody about terrorism.

On the eve of Ramadan, Islamophobia turned deadly in Portland, Oregon, after two passengers on a train got stabbed for defending Muslim women who were being harassed. The assailant told the Muslim women to get off of the train and get out of the country because they don’t pay taxes. When two passengers intervened, he killed them.

Rex Tillerson takes full responsibility for the Manchester leaks. This doesn’t mean anything.

Former Republican speaker of the house, Dennis Hastert, the serial child molester who is doing time at a federal prison hospital in Rochester, Minnesota, not because he raped boys – the statute of limitations ran out by the time he got busted, but because he pleaded guilty to illegally structuring $950,000 in bank withdrawals for hush-money. So far, he’s the highest-ranking U.S. politician ever to be incarcerated. So far.

A review of Republican Speakers of the House since 1995: Newt Gingrich, disgraced for trying to impeach Bill Clinton for doing the exact same thing he was doing at the time – getting it on with an intern while married. He was replaced by Dennis Hastert who nobody knew at the time was a practicing pedophile and would later end up in jail. John Boehner followed Democrat Nancy Pelosi. He was just a weepy drunk. Now we have Paul Ryan, who sold his soul to the devil for an undisclosed amount. Like everybody else who does deals with Trump, he had to sign a non-disclosure agreement. He can’t disclose how much he sold his soul for in exchange for getting to make good on his obsession to sell America out to the 1%.

Republicans are still kissing up to Trump to get what they can out of him before he’s impeached. This means they will be forever linked to treason. Remember that in November 2018.

The patriots are winning. Stay woke!

Punch America in the face and win a trip to DC!

Trump made an ass out of himself in Brussels by lecturing our allies while standing next to a piece of the World Trade Center. Before he opened his mouth, he pushed the prime minister of Montenegro out of the way so he could be front and center. He pretty much told the leaders of NATO that they were a bunch of deadbeats. He did that. He called our allies deadbeats……the countries that came to our aid after 9-11, the first and only time that Article 5 has ever been invoked. A couple of them couldn’t contain their laughter. The rest of them laughed later, behind his back. NATO went from having our back to laughing at us behind our back.

New poll says that most Americans want Justin Trudeau to be the president of North America.

There are still a lot of job openings in the Trump administration. Nobody wants them. Nobody may even want the FBI Director’s job. Anybody who would take it, shouldn’t have it.

Manchester has suspended intel sharing with the US specific to the bombing because *leaks*. The entire country is considering not sharing intelligence with us anymore because Trump has such a big mouth.

To no one’s surprise, Paul Ryan didn’t condemn Greg Gianforte for physically assaulting a journalist. He just said that he wanted Greg to say he was sorry. It didn’t matter, Montana voted for the guy anyway, proving once again that Republican voters are either dip shit bullies who believe the press is the enemy and get off on members of congress beating them up, or they’re just dumb. Gianforte will fit right in with the heartless Republican thugs in Congress. He has passed the asshole test before ever being sworn in – being the first Republican elected to congress after being charged with assault on election day for punching the first amendment in the face. Way to go, Montana! Decent people everywhere think you suck!

Republicans blamed the body slam on Democrats. Fox News called it Montana justice.

Today is a new day for American politics – the Republicans will be welcoming a new white man into the fold who beat a reporter up for asking a question about the Republican health care plan. In Trumpland, it’s OK if you beat people up, just as long as you win.

The president’s son in law, the Secretary of Everything with no government experience, the thirty something rich kid whose dad spent some time in jail, is now an FBI target for the Russian investigation. Will Trump throw him under the bus? Of course he will, because Trump is a ruthless, narcissistic pig who isn’t loyal to anybody, not even his own family.

It’s a good thing we have a business man running the country. Oh wait, what’s this? A two trillion accounting error in the America is for Rich White People Only Budget? Trump voters have yet to understand what this means for them. They’ll need social programs to survive, but wait – they’re cut too.

Al Franken has a new book out. He dedicated a chapter to Ted Cruz. Ted thinks he did it so liberals will buy his book.

More and more Americans report that they have PTSSSD – Post Trump Scandal Shitshow Subpoena Disorder. They’re jumpy, depressed, sleep deprived, and a little bit fatter.

Down right macabre

Montana’s Republican candidate for congress, Greg Gianforte, lost it yesterday and body slammed a reporter for asking him about the CBO score for Trumpcare. He doesn’t like “liberal” reporters so he beat him up, breaking his glasses and sending him to the hospital. He released a statement, blaming the reporter for the whole thing, not knowing that the reporter’s recorder was going the whole time and that the Fox reporters in the room would actually report the facts about what they saw. He was charged with misdemeanor assault. The election is today. Will the pussy grabber voters vote for the first amendment assailant? Stay tuned!

Fox News reported Gianforte’s version of the story without ever mentioning the Fox reporters who were actually there. Advertisers started pulling out of Sean Hannity’s show. He’s taking a couple of days off.

Trump has been doing robo calls in Montana for Gianforte. Robo calls are illegal in Montana.

The visit to the Vatican was downright macabre! Ivanka and Melania were dressed for an exorcism and the look on the Pope’s face suggested that he was about to actually perform an exorcism. Trump, as usual, was oblivious to it all and smiled really big for the cameras, trying really hard not to do his thumbs up. The only thing that could top off such a somber photo opp was finding out that Trump stuck it to Spicer by not inviting him. Spicer is a devoted Catholic and Trump knew it would mean a lot to him to get to meet the Pope, so he made sure he didn’t get to go. Trump probably tortured squirrels in Central Park as a kid.

Protesters in Brussels wanted Trump to know that he is not welcome there.

More dirt on the Attorney General, Jeff Sessions. He not only lied to the Senate about meeting the Russians twice during the campaign, he never disclosed it on his security clearance.

The Trump blueprint budget is so cruel that it’s giving people panic attacks.

Carter Page has happily agreed to testify before the House Intelligence Committee. This ought to be good. He’s been out there blabbing about anything and everything on TV without an attorney. He’ll be sure to incriminate himself which will make Howdy Doody Gowdy sweat more than usual. Somebody needs to get that guy a towel.

Trump told the leader of the Philippines that there are two U.S. nuclear subs in Korean waters. He also told him that he’s doing a great job with their war on drugs. People on motor bikes ride around and kill drug addicts in the Philippines.

Ben Carson called poverty “a state of mind” during an interview.

Trump isn’t getting enough attention on his trip abroad so he has scheduled another self-adoring rally in Cedar Rapids, Iowa when he gets back. This will be his fifth one.

Sweating it out

Former CIA chief John Brennan testified yesterday before a task force. Rebugs made it clear that it wasn’t an official committee hearing because Devin Nunes couldn’t be there (never mind why.) Mike Conaway from Texas filled in in Nunes’ absence. Conaway invoked Jesus with a prayer at the top of the meeting and then pretty much kept his mouth shut during the entire hearing. The take away? Brennan knew about Russia in June 2016. He briefed Congressional leaders in Aug/Sep. Dems wanted to go public. The GOP said NO WAY. As usual, the Republicans put all of their energy into protecting Trump. Howdy Doody Gowdy wanted to show off like he did during Benghazi by trying to put Brennan in his place. He bombed. He sweated so much that rumors soon started about Perspirationgate.

Paul Ryan knew about the Russians a year ago.

Two subpoenas have been served to Flynn businesses.

Trump has hired a lawyer to get him out of the Russiagate trouble. He’s the same guy who brought suit against the NY Times reporter for writing that Trump is not as rich as he says he is. He knows nothing about government, works for a Russian bank and Joe Lieberman is part of the same law firm. No sweat.

The budget is as mean and cold and heartless as the Republicans who penned it. Budget director Mike Mulvaney said, while sweating, “Compassion will be measured by how many people we get off of social programs.”

While the media is focused on the breaking news of the day, the Republicans are advancing. All they care about is their America. They’re still obsessed with killing Obamacare and eliminating Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps, just about everything that a civil, first world, decent should do and be.

After the election, American intelligence told the Israelis NOT to give any sensitive information to Trump because he could give it to Russia who could then give it to Iran. “Make something up, he won’t know the difference,” Harry Reid said. Let’s hope that whatever he told the Russians was fake news.

Fake News is imploding alongside the Republican party. Sean Hannity has been relentlessly drilling down on a conspiracy theory of a murder of a DNC staffer, despite public outcry and demands from the victim’s family to stop. Fox eventually retracted the story but will never admit it’s a fake story. After Trump prays with the Pope today, a sink hole should open up under Fox News.

Infowars got a White House press pass right after Alex Jones called the victims of the Manchester attack “liberal trendies.”

A sign of the changing times – two liberal women were just elected to state seats in red districts in New York and New Hampshire. Move over rich conservative old white boys – your era of oppression and exploitation is coming to an end. Women are marching and they’re headed for you.

Rich conservative old white boys are sweating bullets.

When asked about Ted Cruz, Al Franken said, “I like him more than my colleagues do and I hate Ted Cruz.”

Trump is in Rome now. When in Rome ——? America is sweating now.

Because they’re that awful

While he was gone we all found out that Trump asked two intelligence officials to publicly deny any Russian collusion.

Trump tells a room full of Israelis, “I just flew in from the Middle East and boy are my arms tired.”

Don the Con donned a kippah and pretended to pray at the Western Wall and wondered who paid for it.

At the tail end of a press event, Trump had one last thing he wanted to say before everybody left the room. He wanted to make sure that everybody knew that he never actually said, “Israel” when he was telling the Russians secrets about Israel.

Trump blew off the rest of his day in Israel because he wanted to take a nap. He can’t take all that smiling and talking. He ran out of words.

Hillary logged 1 million miles as Secretary of State. She smiled and talked the whole time.

Trump says the Palestinians are “ready to reach for peace.” The Secretary of Everything, Jared, will broker that deal, unless he gets tied up with the FBI.

After Trump touched that orb, the earth opened up at Mar-A-Lago. Since he’s always there the earth thought it would be able to swallow him there but it missed.

The leaks stopped but the pipes burst. Be nice to journalists. The stress of working overtime and trying to keep all of the new scoops straight are taking its toll. This is unpresidented.

Meanwhile, Ryan and the Repugs are working through the night to get Trumpcare passed. They are dead set on pushing this through because they are that awful. Since they hold all the cards until 2018, our only hope is that their inability to actually govern and legislate will save us. Divisions between the Republicans are pre-existing conditions. One faction is beholden to the tea party, one faction is beholden to Trump, and another faction is beholden to the rich white men who put them there.

Before he leaves, Jason Chaffetz would like his swan song to be stripping Obama of his pension because he’s that awful.

Trump’s response to the Manchester terrorist attack? “They’re evil losers.” The man with so many words chose an over used word used by middle school kids – “losers.” America would like to apologize, AGAIN.

Anne Coulter said that she thinks some politician should propose a Muslim ban now. Of course she did, because she’s that awful.

Ronald Reagan’s son, Ron Reagan, said Trump needs to be removed from office.

Everybody is talking about the new budget. It’s awful, but it’s fair. $800 billion in cuts will be split evenly among the poor, elderly, and disabled so that the white, rich ruling class can be the white, RICHER ruling class.

Lower, lower, lower the bar

He managed to give a speech to 50 Muslim leaders from different countries without screwing it up. He talked about leaders being judged by the people, history, and God. Don’t get too excited, folks. Just as with his first speech to Congress, all he did was read a teleprompter without spitting, cussing, yelling or insulting anyone. Those leaders didn’t believe a word he said any more than he did. Never the less, he pulled it off. The bar has dropped so low for him it’s under sea level. All he has to do now is not embarrass us and we give him a thumb up.

Ivanka praised Saudi Arabia on its progress of women’s rights.

On September 10, 2014, Trump tweeted, “Tell Saudi Arabia and others that we want (demand!) free oil for the next ten years or we will not protect their private Boeing 747s. Pay up!”

The Saudi’s projected Trump’s face on the side of the hotel he stayed at which fed his ego like an all you can eat Vegas buffet. They projected his tweets up on billboards, too, which was like throwing sand into the buffet, but he’s too dumb to get it.

Like ISIS, Saudi Arabia beheads people. They do it outside, with swords, in public, so people can watch. After they chop heads off they mount the headless bodies or hang them from cranes. They dangle the severed heads too. Trump did a sword dance with the Saudis. Just sayin.

Wilbur Ross wants us all to know that there wasn’t a single protester during Trump’s visit to Saudi Arabia. That’s because people don’t want to get their heads chopped off.

Steve Bannon left last night. Was it because he was afraid he was going to lose his head or he didn’t want to be with a bunch of Jews?

Trump is in Israel right now. After deplaning and walking across a red carpet on the tarmac, he reached back to grab Melania’s hand and she swatted it away. He has dubbed this two day visit as “the ultimate deal.” He’s supposed to visit the Yad Vashem Holocaust remembrance center, Bethlehem and the Western Wall. Oh please oh please oh please oh please don’t say anything. DON’T SAY ANYTHING.

Rex Tillerson held a press conference but didn’t invite the American press. That’s the third time he’s done that away from home.

Notre Dame graduates walked out during Mike Pence’s commencement speech.

Michael Flynn is expected to invoke the 5th amendment today.

Trump was asked to place his hands on a glowing orb along with a couple of Muslims. Nobody knows what this means but the Satanic Church has reassured us that it has nothing to do with them.

Sword swallowers

Trump did a sword dance with the Saudis. Trump’s supporters are indifferent to this news because they haven’t been told what to think about it yet.

Steve Bannon looked terrified surrounded by all those men wearing white ghutras carrying swords. He was thinking of all the times he and Breitbart had told the alt-right that Arabs wanted to kill them all.

After a day in Saudi Arabia, Reince Preibus had to get right back on another plane to go back to the US but without the Trump stooges to help him practice what he’s going to tell the FBI once he gets home.

While the Saudis stroke the idiot leader of the west, a review on Trump’s views on Islam: He has said that he thinks that Islam hates us, he tried to keep Muslims from coming into the country and has advocated for a “watch list” of Muslims in the US. He accused Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton of being the founders of the Islamic State. He didn’t know the difference between Hezbollah and Hamas before the election and it’s quite possible that he doesn’t know now. He claims to have seen “thousands and thousands” of Muslims cheering the 9/11 attacks from New Jersey.

He’s giving his speech today. When he goes off script, look out. He’s not supposed to say, “Radical Islamic terrorism.”

During the campaign, Trump said it would be good if Saudi Arabia had nuclear weapons.

Egyptian president, Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, told Trump, “You are a unique personality that is capable of doing the impossible.” Trump took it as a compliment and then complimented el-Sisi on his shoes.

In a parody of Seinfeld’s “Human Fund” in which George Castanza solicits checks during the holidays for his fake charity, Ivanka gets $100 million from the Saudis for her “Women Fund”.

Conflict of interest restrictions limit White House employees from getting free legal advice. That means if you work for Trump you’re going to have to come up with some serious cash to keep yourself out of jail – $1,500 an hour to be exact. For the rich ones, it’s just part of their monthly budget, but if you’re a regular ambitious, butt kissing working stiff who danced with the devil because it would be good for your career, you’re going down and Trump doesn’t care. He probably doesn’t even know your name nor will he give you the time off to appear before the grand jury which is illegal but so what, everything he does is illegal.

Is Howdy Doody Gowdy going to be the new Oversight Chairman now that his partner in crime, Jason Chaffetz, is retiring to spend more time with his family? OH NO.

More members of Congress will be retiring soon to spend more time with their families.

Comparing this shit show to Watergate makes sense but Watergate was a botched, third rate break in of the Democratic National Committee’s headquarters. Russiagate is a state of the art cyber hack into the Democratic National Committee by a hostile foreign power AND collusion with that hostile power AND it appears that the president and his cabinet work for the hostile power putting our national security at risk AND the president has no idea what he’s doing and shouldn’t be president in the first place AND the president has attempted to obstruct justice by firing the top people investigating him AND we have a 24 hour news cycle, social media, SNL, Stephen Colbert, Samantha Bee, Bill Maher and John Oliver. Russiagate trumps Watergate.

After calling for Trump’s impeachment on the Senate Floor, Congressman Al Green of Texas received terrorizing phone calls threatening to lynch him. Congressman Green is black.

All of the SNL cast members who play Trump characters sang, “Halleluiah” for the cold open of the season finale. It’s as if they were saying goodbye. Not all of them will be back for the next season.